Veruleikinn er geggjaðri en nokkur skáldskapur, um það verður ekki deilt.
Eftirlætisbloggarinn minn, Neal Pollack er meistari í að spinna upp absúrd-samtöl þar sem hann tjáir sig um helstu atburði úr heimsfréttunum, auk þess að lýsa fjálglega ástarævintýrum sínum og kynnum af frægu fólki. Hann segist vera áhrifamesti og framsæknasti rithöfundur bandarískra nútímabókmennta. Einhverra hluta vegna finnur besti og frægasti bloggari landsins til samkenndar með honum.
Allt frá því að Bandaríkjaher tók völdin í Bagdad, hefur Neal Pollack birt reglulega pistla frá Raul – eina táningnum í írak með aðgang að internetinu. Raul eru í drengjasöngflokknum „Baghdad 123“ sem ætlar að meika það á Vesturlöndum.
Eftir að hafa fylgst með ævintýrum Rauls og félaga á bloggi Neals Pollacks, var það vissulega hálfgeggjað að lesa þessa grein um annað drengjaband frá írak, „Unknown to No One“, (ísl. Langfrægastir?) sem verið er að markaðssetja.
En Raul lætur ekki deigann síga. Grípum niður í síðasta bréf hans til Neal Pollacks:
Dear Neal:
All around us tonight, U.S. soldiers were shooting tracer fire into the air. I went outside to see what was going on.
„Back in your house or you’re dead!“ said a GI. „It’s curfew!“
„But…“ I said.
Another soldier ran by, shooting his gun in the air.
„Yee-haw!“ he said. „The Hussein Brothers are dead! I’ll never criticise my government on television again!“
Honestly, I didn’t care. I had bigger problems.
Unknown To No One, the OTHER Iraqi boy band, has been getting a ton of media attention in the U.S. I was beginning to think we may never make it. I called for a meeting of my own band, Baghdad 123.
„Boys,“ I said. „We need a gimmick, and fast.“
„We could pick people at random from the audience and dress them in funny animal costumes,“ said Mustaf, the sensitive one.
„That would never work,“ said A.J. „I think we should just keep killing American soldiers.“
„Nah,“ I said. „We tried that, and they just hunted us like dogs. It totally threw off our rehearsal schedule.“
Ramsi dipped into his backpack.
„I have something,“ he said.
He pulled out a copy of an American rock n roll CD called Raw Power, from a new band called Iggy And The Stooges.
He said, „you might want to listen to this. They call it punk.“
„Yes,“ I said, „like the great band Good Charlotte, often featured on TRL Live!“
„Not quite,“ he said.
We listened. The music was very noisy and chaotic, and the singer seemed very angry. At first, I didn’t like the music, but gradually, it started to sound all right. In fact, any given Stooges song sounded a lot like a typical night in Baghdad, with random explosions and distant screaming. Suddenly, a fire exploded in my mind.
„Fuck this boy band shit!“ I said. „Let’s rock!“
Then we spent the rest of the night drinking beer and throwing the empty cans at one another.
We haven’t rehearsed yet. I don’t even know if we will. Who cares, man? It’s just a bunch of goddamn stupid kids making a bunch of noise in between looking for a job and identifying the charred remains of their relatives. Let Unknown to No One appear on Jay Leno. Baghdad 123 is heading for CBGBs. I don’t give a fuck. Let’s swallow some pills!
If only we had guitars and a drumset. Tell you what. Help Baghdad 123 achieve its rock n roll dream by clicking on the Donate button to the right. Any money that goes toward The Neal Pollack Invasion’s tour fund also indirectly helps us. You must trust me. The ultimate fate of rock lies with all of you. If everyone who reads this plea gives two dollars or more, then rock will be saved. Donate now while you still can.
We’re gonna kick Unknown To No One’s collective pansy boy-band ass!
Raul
Foo Fighters hvað?